Landmine
by hyoidbone
Summary: When your feelings for someone can't be held in any longer, whether or not the other feels the same...
1. Chapter 1

Note: This is the first Fanfiction I've ever written, so be gentle! It is also just the beginning as I figure things out. ;)

It had not been easy to just sit there watching through the glass wall of the office. It was the third time this week he was yelling at her and this time, she didn't know what about. Her glasses were tipped down her nose slightly, pretending she was reading through a few sheets of paper but her eyes were directed elsewhere without making it too obvious. At least, she didn't think it was obvious. Sloan caught Maggie's attention from across the newsroom but instead of calling her out, glanced toward the office to watch the spat. The glass was soundproof but her curiosity was sparked. She tried not to pay attention to it and attempted to accomplish more of her work.

Sloan didn't notice she had been spotted and continued to focus, only once in a while looking down at her paper to words that at the time did not make sense. She leaned back in her chair, frustrated, but realizing Mackenzie was nodding her head, as if she were accepting defeat, and made to leave Will's office. He said one more thing that caused her to stop, looking back, before not commenting on whatever it was and leaving. There was a moment where Mackenzie looked in her direction and she—quite noticeably—looked away, her cheeks burning.

Her fingers pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose and she tried to focus on the article in her hands but while her eyes skimmed the words, her mind was on something else entirely.


	2. Chapter 2

Mackenzie sat in her office for a little while, leaning over her desk at a few paper from the previous night's show. Her eyes were watery from the argument with Will. It had painfully gone from a mix up of sources to him yelling at her about their past. Most of their arguments tended to go in that direction, one way or another. Each time she left feeling guilty for what she had done over three years ago. The small mistake one of the producers made turned into this but she could not be mad at them, as much as she wanted.

There was a gentle knock at the door; she inhaled quickly and put a hand to her eye as if she had an irritant bothering her. She looked up to see Sloan standing in the threshold, the door slightly cracked as if asking for admittance. She nodded and offered a slight smile before she leaned back in her seat.

"You did great last night in your segment, about the…" she began and trailed off, obviously having not really understood what had gone on.

"Yeah, yeah," she acknowledged. Sloan knew Mackenzie didn't understand a lot of what she talked about on the show but she had tried to inform her as much as she could (that one time, anyway).

"Listen," she prompted before Mackenzie lifted a light hand to wave her off.

"No, don't;" Mackenzie interrupted. "It was my fault for not confirming the—"

"I don't think that was what it was about."

Mac sighed heavily as she leaned forward a little, her arms crossing over her lap as she peered at Sloan.

"It is. It caused him to look bad and it's his face of the show."

"You know he wouldn't have been that upset if that is all it was."

Mackenzie didn't respond; she didn't know how. It was because of Sloan that the office knew about her former relationship with Will. Except it wasn't, at all; Mackenzie just didn't know where to let things go when she needed everything to be right.

"One way or another, our arguments always make a turn for the same direction. One of us will say something and it gets there so quickly and it is always ends up being my fault. I hurt him in the worst possible way and he's angry. There isn't a thing I can do but endure."

"You shouldn't have to endure it as much as you have, Mac. It's been years now, you've proven time and again how much forgiveness is needed and he doesn't have it for you. He's toying with you at this point, dragging you along, but he can't let it go and do the right thing," Sloan proclaimed. Her heart was beating ten times faster than it should; daring to say these words she's pent up for so long. She hated to look at the woman and see the pain behind her eyes each time she walked away from Will. She had loved him and maybe she still does, but she knows her mistake and thinks she still deserves the punishment.

The words were, in a sense, new to her. They were coming from someone else, out loud, when she had said the very same thing to herself before. Her own voice did not speak volumes like Sloan did. Mackenzie was even having a hard time taking this in but she knew that she would never make it up to Will and she was some pawn in his revenge to make her feel the same way she made him when, in fact, she had felt nothing but since she last saw him nearly five years ago.

"I agreed to come back here to restart the show we once did together but I thought… maybe working together again he would see that not just the show would be a good thing. I think I was wrong," Mackenzie confessed, looking down. A hand brushed back her hair to glance up at her friend that was looking at her with concern in her gaze. She hadn't expected to make such a good friend when coming here.

"You know, it isn't just the show that's a good thing. There are plenty of things here that are going well," Sloan confessed, daring to push it a little further. She started to question her motives, the point in her direction, and she watched her to gauge her expression.

Mackenzie simply smiled and looked out the glass wall of her office.

"I know," she admitted but spoke of nothing else. Her fingers flipped through the papers again, shuffling them around awkwardly and in no particular order.

Sloan frowned at her lack of progress before she shuffled backward a step or two.

"Just keep that in mind. You don't deserve what he is doing to you," she told her before leaving the office disappointed.


	3. Chapter 3

Ding.

Sloan picked up the phone as soon as she heard the tone, slid her finger across the screen, to open the message.

_What are you doing?_

She stared at it for a second before looking at the television playing on mute in front of her. She couldn't handle the senseless banter of whatever was on but she needed some sort of visual stimulant while she read through her papers. She was contemplating a second book but lately, she couldn't focus on it.

A few minutes had passed and she heard a second ding.

_Come on. Don't let me drink alone._

She sighed as she put the phone on the table and leaned back, pushing her hand through her hair in frustration. She thought about the conversation they had earlier that day. It hadn't ended on the best of ideas, no matter how much she wanted the woman to believe it, and if she was drinking she was sure it was not a good thing. What kind of friend would she be if she left her alone to that sort of thing?

She picked the phone up again, typed a few buttons, and got the information she needed to find her. It wasn't Hang Chew's, like usual, but several blocks away. It would take a cab ride to get there and she didn't want to let her wait too long so she quickly changed into something presentable—something that wasn't her pajamas, at least—and locked up her apartment before hailing the nearest cab.

Sloan pushed opened the door of the bar after arriving and glanced around the small, dark lit room and found the thin silhouette of Mackenzie in a booth on the other end. She made a sweep by the bar, ordered something with gin, and slid in next to Mac while she waited for her drink to be delivered.

"Why not the usual place?" she asked though she knew she didn't need an answer. She had her suspicions. The staff often migrated to Hang Chew's and she could imagine after today she didn't want to mingle with them or—less likely to happen—run into Will.

"Something new," was the only response. Sloan frowned, tucked her clutch next to her, and thanked the bar tender as he set her glass down. She sipped from it but did little to it for the time being.

"How long have you been here?" she asked, concern and sensitivity in her voice. Mackenzie wasn't a heavy drinker from what she gathered but the glass in her hand was near empty and she was sure she had been here long enough to have one prior.

"Since we left the office," Mackenzie responded, glancing up a moment to indicate she wanted another. Sloan wanted to suggest something else but for now she held off. Nothing traumatic had happened since her arrival but she felt tense.

"Oh."

"I just can't shake it this time. He's going to push me one too many times. Does he expect me to feel guilt for the rest of my life?" she questioned and set her empty glass down and picked up the new one brought to the table.

"You shouldn't."

"At what point does it go away? I always thought I would feel guilty until the day he forgave me but if that never comes… I'm sick of it."

Sloan smiled from the corner of her lips and swirled her drink in thought.

"I've done everything I possibly could. If nothing I do is good enough for him, then, well," she offered with a cringe, a tear down her cheek opposite of her companion that went unnoticed.

"There is nothing wrong with moving on. With being happy," Sloan insisted and put a hand on her arm with a gentle squeeze for reinforcement. She could see the process run through Mackenzie's eyes, her facial expression. She could see that she thought her life was with Will, married, kids, the whole shebang. It was there in her mind but so far from existence in the real world that coming to terms with it would be a culture shock.

Mackenzie had tried to move on but it had been a lie. Wade was a joke.

She was given a weak smile followed by a taste of her drink. Sloan let her hand go from her arm and sipped at her drink. She reconsidered and took a larger swallow, clearing nearly half of it before sitting it down and enjoying the burn it all the way down her throat.

"Look, you may not thing you do, but you do," Sloan insisted and pivoted in her seat. Her right leg moved up the leather of the bench and tucked beneath her so she could look at her friend. "You know I'm not one that should be giving this type of advice, but you're my friend and seeing you torture yourself is difficult and I want to see you happy," she affirmed, putting her hand on Mackenzie's leg to keep her attention.

Mackenzie turned her head to focus on Sloan's features, the concern in her eyes, the determination to get through to her.

She open her mouth to speak—to object or comply, she wasn't sure—but it was the same instant that Sloan had moved forward. Her hand gently touched the side of her chin and slid to caress her neck. At the same time, her lips met the foreign flesh of the other woman. She was so caught off guard that she didn't know how to respond. At first the comfort was there and her fingers lifted to find fabric of her clothes but it hit her suddenly and she pulled away from the economist.

Sloan let her fingers slip from Mackenzie's neck, eyes half lid, while Mac's were wide eyed and confused. Sloan's expression changed within a matter of seconds to find shock on her friend's face. Her own quickly matched and she leaned back, unable to come up with some sort of excuse and she was left, mouth open, horrified.

There was an elongated silence between them and Sloan didn't know what to do. Mackenzie was silent and the time felt as if it wasn't even moving. Sloan tipped the rest of her drink back at once and then leaned back in her seat.

The bar was mostly quiet with few patrons and no one seemed to notice either of them for that, she was thankful. She wasn't sure she could handle anymore embarrassment because she was sure she wouldn't be able to make it the rest of the night if the woman didn't speak to her.

"Mackenzie, I'm sorry."

Mackenzie said nothing and Sloan felt the air in her body disappear.

"Mac—"

"Sloan," Mac interrupted without turning her attention. Sloan jerked her attention to her and watched for a chance in expression.

"It just got the better of me, seeing you like that," she explained.

She didn't have a response for it and instead turned, put her hand on Sloan's arm with a squeezed and smiled awkwardly. The economist didn't know what that meant but before there was an explanation, Mackenzie frowned and left her sitting there alone in the bar.


	4. Chapter 4

Mackenzie left the bar quickly and breathed in the cool air just to try and clear her head. She wondered for a moment if Sloan would follow behind her but she knew the woman was much too smart or much too scared. Either way, she never saw Sloan come.

She hailed a cab as quickly as possible just in case she were come barreling through the bar door. She slipped in, told the driver her address, and sat in silence the whole way back.

Mackenzie had been tipsy but the shock sent so much adrenaline through her veins, she quickly sobered up (at least for a short period). By the time the driver reached her apartment, she had calmed down and felt the effects of alcohol swirl through her. The driver was ready to get out once she stumbled out of the vehicle but she raised her hand to assure him she was all right and was quickly greeted by the doorman that watched her building at night.

"Thanks, Max," she murmured and steadied herself.

"Are you okay?" His voice laced with concern, having never seen her like this.

"Yes."

Mackenzie looked down as soon as her phone beeped and held the screen up, squinting to read it.

_I'm sorry._

She ignored it and by the time she was on her floor and in front of her apartment, the phone beeped again. She sighed as she made her way through to the other side and locking it behind her. Mac brought the phone to her face to see a second message.

_I really am. Please, Mac, just tell me if you're okay._

Her left hand reached up and she pinched the bridge of her nose. She noticed the corners of her eyes were wet and tears had dropped down her cheek. She didn't know exactly why she was crying but she knew it was far from over. Her hand dropped to her side while she kicked her shoes off and tried to make herself as comfortable as possible as she crashed down onto her bed. She wanted to work out her thoughts, to wade through the endless emotions she felt from the moment Sloan kissed her until now but her mind wanted to shut down.

Her phone beeped again.

_Please, just let me know you got home okay or you're safe or something. I _will_ come looking for you._

She groaned and with great effort, replied: _I'm home._

Mackenzie laid there for a while, unsure of what to do or how to handle it. She was always quick on her feet when it came to her show and every detail but this was uncharted territory. She groaned, feeling worse than she had before, and tried to swim to the surface for fresh air.

Once again, her phone beeped.

_Okay. I'm sorry._

She pushed a button out of the screen and ran her thumb over the glass. It barely caused friction as she continued, leaning back and scooting down beneath the covers. She weaseled out of her clothes and threw them to the side. She thought this was going to be the end of it but she jerked the phone to her face and punched in the keys to dial Will's phone.

Mackenzie listened quietly while it rang once, then a second, but mid-ring it stopped and went to voice mail.

"You've reached Will McAvoy-"

She pressed end.

Her fingers pulled up the messages from Sloan and stared at them, replaying over and over in her mind until she was too exhausted to keep herself on topic.


	5. Chapter 5

Sloan didn't try to stop Mackenzie as she rushed from the seat and out of the bar. Instead, she reeled inward and immediately regretted the decision to kiss her entirely. It had been sudden and all she wanted to do was make Mackenzie understand that she was worth more than what Will was putting her through and she _did_ deserve to be happy. For a brief second, Sloan thought she might have been able to make her happy but as she sat slumped down in the booth, she wasn't so sure about it anymore.

When she looked up, she could see Mac standing on the sidewalk. It was dark but she knew it was her and she watched as she disappeared into a cab. The executive producer was drunk and going home alone, leaving a sickening wave run through her. She pulled her phone out and sent a quick message.

_I'm sorry._

She stared down at the screen and waited, noticing when it indicated it had been read but nothing was incoming. She bit her lip and waited a few minutes. She ordered another drink to kill whatever was inside her that made her feel so terrible, downing it quickly. There was still no response. Sloan typed on the screen again.

_I really am. Please, Mac, just tell me if you're okay._

In the meantime, she played with the ice left over in her drink, sipping what was left of the watered down beverage. She was offered another and she waved it off, deciding that if she needed to search the city, she shouldn't be completely drunk.

With no response from Mackenzie, she started to get worried.

_Please, just let me know you got home okay or you're safe or something. I will come looking for you._

She gripped her phone so tight she thought it would crush in her hands.

_I'm home._

Sloan sighed heavily, leaning back in relief.

_Okay. I'm sorry._

Nothing.

She began to gather her things, leaning on the table for a moment and closing her eyes. Her fingers pinched at the corners as she tried to relax. At least she was home. That was all she could hope for. She didn't linger long in the bar before she picked her things up and made her way home.

With the weekend having fallen upon them, Sloan had a few days to really regret the decision she made Friday night. She sent Mackenzie a text a few times but none of them were responded to and she knew she had really screwed everything up. Not only were her chances diminished, but she worried she lost her friend entirely. She wanted to go back and erase everything she had done and replace it with her just being a good friend and supporting her and encouraging and certainly _not_ kissing her.

Her alarm clock blared and she rolled over, smashing the button into snooze mode and remained there for a moment longer. She knew she would have to face the day but she certainly was not looking forward to it. With a groan, she forced herself up and out of bed, turning the alarm off, and getting ready.

By the time she reached the building, she wasted no time talking to anyone and made a beeline for her office and hid away for a little while to get her things organized for the day. She would have to face Mackenzie but if she could put it off for a little longer, everything would be fine.

Eventually, Jim knocked on her office door and popped his head in.

"Mac needs your rundown for the economic block as soon as you have it ready," he began; his arm was pressing the door open and his other hand gripping the threshold for support. He was in a hurry and didn't want to settle into her office. Sloan gripped a few of her papers. "Also, Will needs to see you."

She shot a glance up at him and remained silent, uneasy with the comment.

"Okay?"

"Okay," she responded, trying to keep her voice calm but it was evident she was failing. Jim's face became questioning but did not try and get anything out of her. He nodded and slipped from her office. She stood, grabbed her papers, and made her way to the newsroom and over to Will's office first.

The economist lightly knocked, greeted, and she stepped into the office and made herself comfortable in the chair across from him.

"You wanted to see me?" she asked, nervously.

Will leaned on his desk, clasping his hands together and pressing forward. Sloan swallowed her fear and tried to keep her breathing steady.

"Have you talked to Mac today?"

_Shit._

"Not yet," she began. "But I have my report to give to her for the show tonight."

He narrowed his eyes and noticed how awkward she held herself. She saw how much he saw through her façade.

"I think she's pissed at me," he admitted and leaned back, arms propped on the support of his chair. Will ignored whatever Sloan was feeling because he didn't have time. "I yelled at her Friday and I said some pretty bad stuff," he confessed. He knew in the back of his mind the staff knew of their argument; the walls were not soundproof. The staff always held their tongues when it came between the two, even when it was a professional mistake; their fights turned personal and none of their business.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I hadn't talked to her all weekend, she didn't tell me anything about you guys fighting," she instructed and felt a wave of relief when this was about him and not her.

"No? You guys are always talking."

Or maybe not.

She clenched her teeth together and leaned back in her seat, crossing one leg over the other as she watched him. She shook her head. "It must have upset her enough for her not to talk about. Have you talked to her?" she pried, trying to find his angle.

"I haven't. I don't know what to say."

"I'm sorry?"

"It's not your fault," he retorted.

"No, I'm saying: I'm sorry. That's what you say," she explained.

"But it wasn't my fault."

Sloan raised a brow, tilted her head, and frowned, unimpressed with his words.

Will shook his head and rubbed his temples.

"You're right."

"I know."

"When you see her, will you let her know I need to see her?"

"You should go to her but I will."

He nodded, enforcing his statement. She knew there was no chance of that after he made the request.

"Is that all?" she questioned, hoping to get out of the office pretty soon.

He shrugged. "I guess. What's wrong with you this morning?" he pressed as if he weren't as self-centered as he presented himself already.

"Nothing."

He cocked his head forward in disbelief but nodded anyway, leaving it.

"If you say so."

"I do." She began to move from the chair. "I'll let her know you want to see her."

With that, Sloan left the office and gripped her papers tighter in anticipation as she made the corner for Mackenzie's office.


End file.
